


this is not a love letter (but it is sent with love)

by Starship_Phoenix



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Follows Iwaoi from childhood through the timeskip, I still have not read the manga so hopefully I didn't get anything wrong, Letters, M/M, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29161404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starship_Phoenix/pseuds/Starship_Phoenix
Summary: There’s a box of letters under Oikawa’s bed.It’s tucked so far into the corner he has to crawl under the bed to reach it; a child’s shoebox, stuffed to the brim and tied shut with a ribbon he’d scavenged from some long ago birthday present.It’s such a cliche, and he knows he’d get mercilessly mocked if anyone found out about it, but he can’t bear to part with a piece of his soul so easily.The box comes with him to Argentina.On nights when the air is dry and hot and his thoughts are racing too fast to sleep, he pulls it out, fingers running gently over the worn cardboard. On nights when he misses home so much it hurts, he slowly and carefully unties the ribbon and lifts the lid.And on nights when the self-hatred and doubt are so loud they drown out everything else, when he feels alone and trapped in his own mind, he reaches into the box and sinks into a decade of memories.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 14
Kudos: 68





	this is not a love letter (but it is sent with love)

**Author's Note:**

> I saw that an [Iwaoi zine](https://twitter.com/iwaoilifezine) was doing a contest, went, oh that's cool, but too bad I'm so busy with other things and I don't have time to write for it, and then within minutes, I was several hundred words into a new fic. Funny how that happens XD

There’s a box of letters under Oikawa’s bed.

It’s tucked so far into the corner he has to crawl under the bed to reach it; a child’s shoebox, stuffed to the brim and tied shut with a ribbon he’d scavenged from some long ago birthday present.

It’s such a cliche, and he _knows_ he’d get mercilessly mocked if anyone found out about it, but he can’t bear to part with a piece of his soul so easily.

The box comes with him to Argentina.

On nights when the air is dry and hot and his thoughts are racing too fast to sleep, he pulls it out, fingers running gently over the worn cardboard. On nights when he misses home so much it hurts, he slowly and carefully unties the ribbon and lifts the lid. 

And on nights when the self-hatred and doubt are so loud they drown out everything else, when he feels alone and trapped in his own mind, he reaches into the box and sinks into a decade of memories.

* * *

_Dear Tooru,_

_Do you think Makoto-sensei knows we live next to each other? I know we’re supposed to start the letter with ‘dear neighbor’ and then put it in their mailbox but it’s weird pretending like i don’t know you so i just ignored that part._

_You’re probably sending yours to old man Satoshi but that isn’t fair i live on a corner and you’re my only neighbor_

_This penpal thing is dumb_

_just like you. haha_

_Don’t tell sensei I said that or I’ll steal your alien pencil._

_See you in two seconds,_

_Hajime_

-

Oikawa laughs when he reads the letter Iwaizumi shoves into his hands after school. “You didn’t listen to Makoto-sensei’s instructions, dummy. You’re supposed to put it in my mailbox.”

“I’m not walking all the way home pretending I didn’t write to you. I don’t even understand this assignment,” Iwaizumi complains. “Aren’t penpals supposed to be people who live far away?”

Oikawa shrugs and pulls an envelope from his bag. If Iwaizumi isn’t waiting, he’s not going to wait either. “I was gonna write to old man Satoshi but it’s not fair you didn’t have a choice who to write to. This way it’s even, and I don’t have to be penpals with a weird old guy.”

“Satoshi-san isn’t _that_ weird,” Iwaizumi says, cheeks faintly pink as he looks down at the letter in his hands. (Oikawa had stuck most of his best stickers on it. Just so Iwaizumi would know Oikawa was being _extra_ nice.)

When Oikawa gets home, he sticks Iwaizumi’s letter in a shoe box he was supposed to take out to the trash. And then he sticks the shoe box under his bed. He’s not sure why, but the idea of throwing out the letter feels wrong. 

* * *

_Dear_ ~~_Loserkawa_ ~~ _Tooru,_

_I’m only writing this because my mom is making me. she’s looking over my shoulder to make sure i’m being nice._

_I’m sorry I kicked you so hard you cried. I guess I’m just super strong._

_I dont really hate you_

_Do you want to play volleyball again tomorrow? I think if you toss a little lower i can get it_

_Hajime_

_-_

Oikawa wipes his tears. His shin didn’t even hurt that bad when Iwaizumi kicked it. Not enough to make him cry.

He cried because Iwaizumi said he hated him. And he’s crying now because he said he _doesn’t_. 

He wishes Iwaizumi would make up his mind.

Oikawa reads the last line over and over again, then tucks Iwaizumi’s letter in the box under his bed, where it joins a half dozen other letters and notes and scraps from Iwaizumi. 

He’ll be perfect next time.

* * *

_Happy Valentine’s Day, Oikawa_

_I know this letter will be one of dozens you’re going to get showered with today, and that’s the only reason I’m writing it. You’ll forget by tomorrow._

_Even if you forget this letter, I hope you remember that people genuinely care about you. I know because I’m one of those people who cares. More than shallow gestures you're getting today._

_Enjoy the chocolate._

_ <3 _

_-_

The letter isn’t signed, but Iwaizumi’s a fool if he thinks Oikawa can’t recognize his handwriting on sight.

But Oikawa doesn’t say anything, even when he catches Iwaizumi throwing suspicious looks his way. Maybe Iwaizumi was expecting some kind of reaction from the unsigned letter that slid out of Oikawa’s gym locker, and is upset that Oikawa kept a straight face. Or maybe it's the sheer quantity of notes and chocolates he received, and the fact that he enlisted Iwaizumi’s help to carry them all. His glare _did_ intensify every time Oikawa graciously accepted another token of appreciation.

He’s also not about to dismiss the possibility that Iwaizumi wanted to use it as blackmail or something. Oikawa’s not sure _how_ it could be used as blackmail, but he’s sure if he thinks about it hard enough he’ll figure it out.

He almost confronts Iwaizumi, but he can’t risk teasing him about it. Because there’s also a part of Oikawa that’s wondering if Iwaizumi’s words are genuine, and not a prank. And it would be _so_ embarrassing if Oikawa’s wrong and there’s some poor girl out there with handwriting as atrocious as Iwaizumi’s.

He’s probably reading too much into things.

His other valentines get awkwardly and guiltily tossed in the trash when he gets home from school, but the one from Iwaizumi gets tenderly placed in the shoebox under his bed.

* * *

_Oikawa -_

_Mom said to give you these flowers. I guess your mom told her what happened. You aren’t answering my texts and you didn’t answer the door so I resorted to writing you a note. You’d better not throw this out without reading it._

_I know you’re going to ignore me but please take it easy. The team needs you in one piece, and hurting yourself worse won’t help._

_And don’t fall asleep with ice on. Set an alarm. Twenty minutes on twenty minutes off._

_And text me back, idiot_

_I’m not mad at you I promise_

_I just need you to be okay_

_\- Iwaizumi_

-

Oikawa ignores the knocking on the door. And Iwaizumi’s “I know you’re home, Shittykawa!” And then what is definitely Iwaizumi kicking the door in frustration, sighing so loudly Oikawa can hear it through the walls, and his fading footsteps as he gives up and goes home.

Oikawa tells himself it’s because he doesn’t want Iwaizumi to see how pathetic he looks right now. His hair’s a mess, his eyebags are so large they classify as luggage, there’s residual snot from his last frustrated crying session, and he’s wearing pajama pants several growth spurts too short and an old t-shirt he’s pretty sure actually belongs to Iwaizumi.

But really he just doesn’t know what to say.

When he opens the door to get the mail later, he nearly steps on a bouquet of blue flowers. They’re beautiful - definitely the sort of thing he’d expect Iwaizumi’s mom to pick out. Oikawa sticks them in the vase on the dining room table, swapping out the wilted flowers already occupying it. He’s half convinced his mom told Iwaizumi’s mom what happened so she could get fresh flowers.

He hobbles back to the couch, sinks into the Oikawa sized indent (because his bedroom is too far from the kitchen and his mom isn’t home to beg her to bring food to him,) and rereads Iwaizumi’s hastily scrawled letter.

He feels a little guilty about ignoring him.

He picks up his phone, takes a picture of the ice on his knee, then another of his face (the peace sign and wink almost make him look _more_ pathetic), sends both to Iwaizumi (because he’s decided he _does_ want Iwaizumi to see how pathetic he looks after all,) and then sets an alarm for twenty minutes.

* * *

_Dear Oikawa,_

_I hope I calculated right and this letter is waiting for you, otherwise it’s going to be very awkward._

_Congratulations on arriving safely in Argentina. (I’m assuming you arrived safely, and aren’t currently at the bottom of the ocean.)_

_I’m sure you sent me a dozen selfies the second you got off the plane, and I probably laughed at your jetlagged eyes. If I did, it was only to cover up how much I miss you (and not because I’m jealous of how pretty your eyes are. Yes, I know exactly how this scenario will play out. You might think you won in the moment, but when you read this, you’ll know I’m the true winner.)_

_At the time of writing this, you haven’t even left yet. We hung out this morning, actually. And yet I already miss you. That’s how I know I’ll still be missing you when you’re reading this letter._

_God, this is so cheesy. I give you full permission to mercilessly mock me. I deserve it._

_Something about just sending a text didn’t feel right, though. It feels too easy, you know? And this isn’t easy. It’s hard. A lifetime with you means a lifetime of never having to practice saying goodbye._

_You’re going to be amazing, Oikawa. I know you’re going to make it to your dreams. You’re probably scared right now, somewhere under that impressively thick and fragile layer of confidence, but it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. I believe in you, and your determination to get what you deserve and not let anything stop you._

_This isn’t a love letter, but I send it with love anyway. That’s another thing that didn’t seem right to say over text._

_Love,_

_Iwaizumi_

_-_

Oikawa knows the letter’s appearance isn’t magic. He knows Iwaizumi just secretly looked up his address weeks or months in advance. But when he’d arrived in Argentina, jet lagged, fresh off twenty hours of overthinking, half convinced he’s making a mistake, there the letter was, waiting for him at his new apartment. Like Iwaizumi knew exactly what Oikawa needed. 

Like magic.

A reminder, that no matter the distance, no matter the time, no matter the obstacles, Oikawa is loved.

**Author's Note:**

> this is such a cheesy fic and it's a little over the contest wc requirement but I had such a good time writing it, so I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
